Hello Everyone, Hope you are doing great! Have a wonderful day. God Bless 🙏
Blame it on human nature, we have been self-critical, not once but several times, not on a single day but very often. Why do we do it? Is it right to be self-critical? How can I stop myself being self-critical? Why are we so harsh on ourselves? Am I not human, who can be flawed yet successful? Who can make mistakes in life and learn from them? Who can change and improve slowly? Why can’t I be compassionate and empathetic towards myself? Is it so hard?
When you are self-critical, you are in a negative frame of mind, you take things negatively, you are too harsh on yourself and judgemental. Such individuals lack compassion not on himself alone but also for others. He is too judgmental and cynical on himself and also of others. Being self-critical is so harmful that you have no room for self-improvement and progress in life for fear of failure. Such individuals end up having low self-esteem, isolation, depression and loneliness in the long run.
Therefore, how can I change my attitude towards being self-critical? 3 interesting ways.
- Understanding “self”: Develop a solid understanding of “self” as an individual, the understanding of self-concept. Who am I as an individual? Understanding “self”, in all aspects, your physical self, your social self and your competency self, that is your ability to provide yourself with necessities of life. Accept and acknowledge both your strengths and weakness. Understanding your purpose and motives in life is important. Once you accept your uniqueness, you won’t compare yourself with others. Because comparing yourself with others is often a reason for self-criticism. Each one of us is embarking a unique journey through ups and downs of life.
2. Worthiness: It’s important to know your self-worth and self-value to avoid being self-critical. I am using both terms together as they are often interconnected. When you have a sense of self-worth, that means you value yourself. Acknowledging your capabilities, your qualities are important both in personal and professional life. This is related to all our thoughts, emotions, behaviours which are related to our worthiness and value as an individual. When you do that, there is no room for comparison, competition, jealousy for other’s success or achievement. When you start being empathetic towards your self, you are empathetic towards others too. This is important because, we as humans always deals with humans everywhere, people, places, work, home, society. This makes life easier and smooth sailing.
3.Positive attitude: Wisest way to deal with self-criticism is changing and keeping a positive attitude towards it. Instead of carrying a negative mind frame, whenever, I am self-critical, I need to remind myself that it is a way of self-improvement and self-analysis. I need to develop, nurture that aspect of my life which help me in my growth both as an individual and performing life necessities. The message should be clear in my head, that I, myself work upon, wanting to bring about a positive change in me for my growth and benefit and not for someone’s else.
Growth is dynamic. Scientifically, we grow till our last day in this world. But as we age, though we keep ageing physically, our mindset get stuck at some point in life. We start developing certain thinking pattern, a mindset which becomes very difficult to change. The problem arises when this mindset starts interfering through our challenges in the journey towards our goal or ambition.
5 observations to change from a fixed to a growth mindset.
1.First of all, you forget that you have a super brain. Age has no relation to our learning abilities. Any kind of intelligence, skill, a habit can be acquired if you put necessary effort. Therefore, challenges in professional, or in personal life can be overcome if you aim to do so. That is how a growth mindset response.
2. When you have a fixed mindset, you are unable to take any kind of criticism. Instead, you become too self-critical of yourself. Your response to criticism is more emotional than practical. You take things personally. With a growth mindset, criticism can be big learners. You tend to learn from the criticism and find out ways to improve. Instead of being critical and judgemental of other’s success, you tend to get inspired, appreciate and learn from other’s success story.
3.Unlike in a fixed mindset, you get disappointed and give up easily, but with a growth mindset, you tend to continuously make an effort to achieve your goal. Take each day as a challenge, and thrive towards your success. You have this never giving up spirit.
4.The most important aspect of a growth mindset is believing in yourself. In a fixed mindset, since you are self-critical, you tend to see your limitations only. But with a growth mentality, you never argue with your limitations, instead, you focus on the opportunities and possibilities to achieve your goals and success.
In my life, I have realized whenever I have disappointed myself, it’s not for any reason but only because of my lack of patience. I have realised it a number of times that I end up making wrong decisions only due to my hasty approach. I did suffer a lot in the past in a number of aspects of my life. Slowly I have started realising my drawback. Since then I am working on my own patience skill.🤞
Wherever we go, whatever task we do, or whichever relationship we are into, need time and patience to come to an outcome. Starting from our daily routine, getting stuck in the traffic jam, waiting in a queue, performing a task, a baby crying, boss yelling, quarrel with a loved one, all of them require our patience skill👏😥
Therefore, patience is very important in life. 5 realisations:
1.Compassion: Patience helps you become compassionate towards others. If you want peace, hassle-free life, you need to be empathetic towards others. Instead of reacting, or getting irritated towards the other person, with patience, you can understand him/her and settle down in peace. Instead of reacting towards a cranky baby, you can remain sober, compassionate. Patience helps you become more tolerant and accepting 🙂
2.Relationship: In any kind of relationship, we react very fast. With patience, instead of reacting, being defensive, if you understand the person’s perspective, remember his/her positive qualities, take enough time to respond. Things turn out differently. A relationship grows more mature.🙂 .Impatience can damage a relationship based on hasty decisions.
3.Talent becomes a success: In life, if you have a talent, skill, you need to nurture it slowly and steadily with patience. Great things take time. In spite of ups and downs, patience will help you sail through. With perseverence and patience, giving enough time and effort, you can develop into a success story. 🙌
4.Healthy: In life, with full of stress, anxiety, patience helps you to be non-judgemental, understand a situation better and give clearer thoughts. Therefore, taking the right decisions, responding calmly in any circumstances gives no frustration, anger, stress and help lead a healthy peaceful life. 👍
5.Good attitude: Keeping patients doesn’t only mean waiting for a long time, or waiting for the right moment but instead waiting with the right kind of attitude🤘🏻. In life, certain situations are challenging, persisting, struggling through a long haul. Patience helps you build a positive approach, an optimistic attitude through the struggle to achieve the goals or whatever you desired.✌️
I have failed and you have failed. We all have failed. Yet, when we fail, we are so upset 😭, torn , collapsed that we don’t like trying again. Because none of us like failing in life, at work, at play, in business or even in relationship. But it’s actually the failures that teaches us the most. 5 take aways…
- Lesson taught : Failure teaches you the best lesson on why ,how and what went wrong in any task you did. It helps you become intelligent and frame better strategies.
- Grounded : It keeps you humble and grounded. Even when you get success , you cannot forget the pain and struggle you went through.
- Committed to goals : You are more determined to achieve your goals. Recommits you towards your goal.
- Overcome fear: You don’t have fear and insecurity any longer. Its keep you focus rather than anticipating the future or outcome.
- Support system : Tough days are good to acknowledge your true friends and family who stood by you and support you.
No theories to date can explain the complexities of the human mind and its responses. Each individual has his or her share of emotion and fear. Some express it while some keep it to themselves. The underlying cause of all emotions is mostly fear. Fear of failure, loss of loved ones, worthlessness, loneliness and so on.
This underlying fear is expressed in a person’s behaviour and personality often as anger, hurt, sadness and arrogance. Therefore, emotional insecurity is psychologically dealt with as a borderline personality disorder.
3 important realities.
- Any unpleasant event in childhood, physical attributes, disturbed childhood maybe some of the reasons to contribute to emotional insecurity. These fears and insecurities get resurfaced when we run towards our goal or success in the life journey. When we get into a relationship or try accomplishing a certain task, we come across our fear or insecurity. When fear, insecurity becomes overpowering, such an individual cannot take up failure so easily. Such a person easily collapsed into depression, drugs and drinking.
2. Many of us have our image of perfection, be it in a relationship, at work, success, materialistic life. Wherever we go, our insecurities follow. When insecurities are overwhelming, the person would exhibit in terms of conflicting behaviour, anger, hatred, aggressiveness or jealousy in whatever areas his fear exist. Strangely, he becomes vindictive in attitude and tries to show up his best image of perfection. But in the process, his conflicted state of mind not only affect his life and also ruin his personal relationships, job or success.
3. We all have fear and insecurity. As long as I can control my mind and fear, it doesn’t affect my life much. So self-realization is an important aspect. Understanding and acknowledging my own fear, insecurity, help me to move forward in life. Self-acceptance and self-reassurance are important keys in building up of my emotional security and overcoming my mental barrier. We need not be preoccupied with the idea of perfection of an image in a relationship, work or success. With an emotionally secured mind, I can be happy despite my circumstances.
Why do we frequently have a feeling of being stuck? Why do we feel, we are yet to get our dream job? Why do feel we are yet to go on a dream vacation? Why do we feel we are yet to get the right opportunity?
Not only in professional life, but these questions do prop up also in our personal life? This happens when we focus on scarcity. When we have a mindset to focus on what we do not have.
So instead of what we do not have, let us shift our mindset to abundant thinking, on what we do have?
So then, how does the changing mindset helps? 5 wonderful ways:
- Start focus on abundance from your daily life. Start to appreciate the food, life, people around you, the roof, your friends and so on. Instead of a closed mind, your mind opens up, start seeing and appreciating things which you have never noticed. Once you start feeling abundance, your mind opens up to a positive vibe. Not just one day, develop this habit for each and every passing day. On a bad day too, instead of a sour mood, start to get things more organized, disciplined. You will bound to get results.
- At home, at work, everywhere you go, get the abundance vibe from other people. Instead, of feeling threatened or fear of other’s success, when you start appreciating them, you create yourself a safe abundant environment. You start to appreciate their lives and struggle. You can grow as an individual, a continuous positive vibe, non-judgemental thinking gives you an opportunity to look at every failure or success as milestones. You are more open and secured, you can take up further challenges without fearing failures.
3.Changing takes time. To develop an abundance thinking takes some time. Each time your mind goes back to old thoughts, keep reminding all the good things, good people you have. Practice gratitude daily. This is a powerful tool to experience abundance and happiness in life. You can create your own daily abundance affirmations. Feeling abundance gives happiness despite circumstances. You feel whole, satisfied.
4.Focus what is going right in your life. Focusing on what is going right gives your brain a more holistic and larger approach to problems in life. You can derive the right decisions and solutions easily with a more open and optimistic approach. You are more creative and inspired by life.
5.Being self-aware is the thumb rule. Self-awareness helps you be aware of your thoughts, language and behaviour. It is a powerful tool to bring out a new change, built a new habit in our life. By being aware, you make a conscious effort to check the thoughts that come and shift them towards abundance. Feeling plentiful gives you a satisfying life.